It is but interesting to note that awareness about a lot of things might also be very dangerous. Too much knowledge , I believe creates suspicions. Sometimes it is so bad that everything you see, you might see through with the same angle.
I am today referring to the sexual abuse. We see articles daily, reports on people using others for their pervert satisfactions. Till you see or read without connecting the same with your life, your people or the way your life is, it gets away. But, does it. There was this extensive article about this in THE HINDU supplement of 4th July -- the NXG. How do you rate this. This article will disturb every common man who is natural in his approach, leading a normal life with great amount of spirituality and believe that god will take care.
Can this happen. but it is happening. There are a few instances I am quoting out of the article. A girl who is now more than 16 years old, hates mangoes and shows such great aversion because, her grandfather , in her younger days used to rape her and he used to smell of mangoes.
A child who was learning swimming could not cope and the teacher gave her the privilege of teaching her after the classes and in private. He abused her by putting her finger inside her private parts and playing with her.
Does this seem scandalous.Yes it is. and it creates fear. How are our children going to cope. If this or anything of a lesser dimension too happens to them will they share it with us. This depends only on the parents. The comfort they get out of talking to us , be it the mother or the father, with the same intensity and importance.
There was this another instance where the girl who reported to her mother that her cousin was abusing her, was shocked to hear the words " as long as you do not get pregnant. ".Now where will the girl go, or what will she do.
Today, I am afraid. After reading this article my wife has been terrified. This has allowed us to churn our thinking hats. Surprisingly my wife thought it fit to talk to my child( he is 3 years old ) and he was telling her that the teachers in his class get angry and scold them.He explained the process of their handling the potty, if needed, and he clearly told my wife that he does not like being touched on his private part, and he mentioned that a teacher tried to hit him on his private part, gently. But he shouted at her and later told the teacher sorry. We are in the process of finding out how ot handle this. We beleive that the child will tell only what happens.
We are very upset hearing this, but we decided that we neecd to assess the impact of this instance. This is an add on as both my wife and I have been feeling that this time the pre KG class did not excite the child and there is no life. The last term was very lively and the child used to look forward going to school.We are facing similar reactions from other parents. We will find out more before we decide.
But is it not appaling. That today the teacher does not see a child in a child. Till date I see the children in very old adults and that is what excites us and makes our life interesting.
The only solution for me is : believe your child. Allow them to be open to you on any subject. I think sex education should start in the house. Both the mother and father have to discuss this " private " issue openly with their children. If this is done , perversion will not set in and perhaps the sex itself will be an open subject and this will reduce child abuse. For them to feel comfortable to talk about all issues, we must create an atmosphere of comfort, for all of us to feel comfortable with each other.
It is better for us to change, if required, to help the children have a better life. We always need to be ourselves. We need not put up an act or be different with children. Only if you are what you are, it is easy. There will be no need to do something which is not going to be spontaneous.
It is completely alright if you can tell your child that you were wrong about something. As I had mentioned earlier " The child is the father of the Man. ".
Friday, July 4, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
you learn from your child
A child is the father of a man. What a true statement. While you are bringing up your child you will understand this. How much they know and understand. It is surprising to note that how much the experience can teach you.
Narrating the experiences , we were going to a toy shop on saturday, after I returned from work around 5.00 pm. My wife had been telling me that he is not having enough milk and this will deprive him of physical strength. She was, that day , trying to give him cereal and he was refusing it. She tried for 90 minutes and having failed shifted this responsibility to me. I tried for 45 minutes and we were getting late to go. We presumed he was excited that he was going to the toy shop. When all our efforts failed we laid a condition for him to go .We said that , in the toyshop , he can see the toys but we will not buy him any this time .And if he gets hungry on the way, he will be given only water and only after returning home he will be given food. He agreed and also told us in his baby voice that he will just see the toys and keep them back and will not ask us to buy him any toy. So off we went and we reached the store. He was excited, played around with all the toys which he can. No word of hunger. When we were going to get out, he picked up one toy, and came and said he wanted it. When reminded of his words that he will not take any toy, he went back and kept the toy. He spent a few minutes near the toys but came back empty handed. Then he sat in the car and wanted to listen to his favourite music. He did not ask for water too. He dozed off at the end of the journey but woke up as soon as we reached home. But he had not even opened his mouth about hunger. He is not even three and the will power he had ..... .I do not know if I was so good a child when I was that young.
Another incident the same night... He refused to have his curds after the meal. So we started trying to go through the similar exercise. I told him that he cannot get out of his chair till he finishes the curds. He was out of the chair in no time. But I put him back again. This chair was not ordinary and he had to bend , duck and slip out to get out of the chair. But he got out again. The next time I was going to put him back he thought this was a game. So , I thought that putting him on top of the fridge would stop him and he will have his curds .He came with open arms to carry him and once I put him on the fridge, he started playing with a hanging toy . Nothing deterred him. I said that I will go away and he touched the beautiful pot which was on the fridge. I was reluctant to move away. I brought him down and tried another gimmick .I put all his toys where he could not reach them, but then he brought the other toys to be put up. He was generally afraid of the dark and so I thought by putting off all the lights around he would finish his curds. This too did not work. He sat next to me and relaxed. He tried to tell me to put the lights on and had a couple of spoons but again once he was comfortable he refused. Finally I had to move away and hide in another room. My wife was around him but when he saw that I disappeared he had the curds. This drama was for another 90 minutes atleast.
I learnt how much my child knows. How long he can hold. How determined he was not to have those curds. At that age. It was a lesson I learned. I have now to learn some other ways of convincing him to agree, and finish what he has to.
Are we right in doing these things. But the point most appreciable is , he never bawled, nor cried. He just stood his way. It is a long way to go before my child becomes a man to stand on his own feet. How much there is to learn....
All these days when I read the statement "THE CHILS IS THE FATHER OF THE MAN", I was not able to understand or accept it. But after this experience I am totally in sync.
Narrating the experiences , we were going to a toy shop on saturday, after I returned from work around 5.00 pm. My wife had been telling me that he is not having enough milk and this will deprive him of physical strength. She was, that day , trying to give him cereal and he was refusing it. She tried for 90 minutes and having failed shifted this responsibility to me. I tried for 45 minutes and we were getting late to go. We presumed he was excited that he was going to the toy shop. When all our efforts failed we laid a condition for him to go .We said that , in the toyshop , he can see the toys but we will not buy him any this time .And if he gets hungry on the way, he will be given only water and only after returning home he will be given food. He agreed and also told us in his baby voice that he will just see the toys and keep them back and will not ask us to buy him any toy. So off we went and we reached the store. He was excited, played around with all the toys which he can. No word of hunger. When we were going to get out, he picked up one toy, and came and said he wanted it. When reminded of his words that he will not take any toy, he went back and kept the toy. He spent a few minutes near the toys but came back empty handed. Then he sat in the car and wanted to listen to his favourite music. He did not ask for water too. He dozed off at the end of the journey but woke up as soon as we reached home. But he had not even opened his mouth about hunger. He is not even three and the will power he had ..... .I do not know if I was so good a child when I was that young.
Another incident the same night... He refused to have his curds after the meal. So we started trying to go through the similar exercise. I told him that he cannot get out of his chair till he finishes the curds. He was out of the chair in no time. But I put him back again. This chair was not ordinary and he had to bend , duck and slip out to get out of the chair. But he got out again. The next time I was going to put him back he thought this was a game. So , I thought that putting him on top of the fridge would stop him and he will have his curds .He came with open arms to carry him and once I put him on the fridge, he started playing with a hanging toy . Nothing deterred him. I said that I will go away and he touched the beautiful pot which was on the fridge. I was reluctant to move away. I brought him down and tried another gimmick .I put all his toys where he could not reach them, but then he brought the other toys to be put up. He was generally afraid of the dark and so I thought by putting off all the lights around he would finish his curds. This too did not work. He sat next to me and relaxed. He tried to tell me to put the lights on and had a couple of spoons but again once he was comfortable he refused. Finally I had to move away and hide in another room. My wife was around him but when he saw that I disappeared he had the curds. This drama was for another 90 minutes atleast.
I learnt how much my child knows. How long he can hold. How determined he was not to have those curds. At that age. It was a lesson I learned. I have now to learn some other ways of convincing him to agree, and finish what he has to.
Are we right in doing these things. But the point most appreciable is , he never bawled, nor cried. He just stood his way. It is a long way to go before my child becomes a man to stand on his own feet. How much there is to learn....
All these days when I read the statement "THE CHILS IS THE FATHER OF THE MAN", I was not able to understand or accept it. But after this experience I am totally in sync.
Friday, June 20, 2008
New learnings
It has been a very interesting fortnight. Free time lets your mind roam, and allows you to learn, if you may choose so. Alongwith the learnings of the new job, I would like to highlight the learnings, the problems ogf th I pod and the new websites and much more.
Found a website called mediawidget, which helped me to put in songs to the ipod without i tunes and also downloaded the songs to the PC.For atleast 10 days every thing was working fine , when i decided to try more from the software. this software was a trial version downloaded .I wanted to rearrange the songs and delete some, from the Ipod and it successfully did so. But then when I was going to check the Ipod , if everything was fine, the Ipod did not boot at all. I need to check this.
But I do not know if this was because of the virus from my PC at home or....
It is interesting to know that for most of your questions, which raises out of curiousity too, we can find answers from the web.
One other interesting happening : I found that there is something called the Yahoo Answers ! website which gives you a chance to ask your questions and there are good answers coming out for the same. You can also answer questions whcih are being asked.I learnt a solution for my ipod and tried a part of it and it worked.
It is very interesting to learn and know more and learn .
Found a website called mediawidget, which helped me to put in songs to the ipod without i tunes and also downloaded the songs to the PC.For atleast 10 days every thing was working fine , when i decided to try more from the software. this software was a trial version downloaded .I wanted to rearrange the songs and delete some, from the Ipod and it successfully did so. But then when I was going to check the Ipod , if everything was fine, the Ipod did not boot at all. I need to check this.
But I do not know if this was because of the virus from my PC at home or....
It is interesting to know that for most of your questions, which raises out of curiousity too, we can find answers from the web.
One other interesting happening : I found that there is something called the Yahoo Answers ! website which gives you a chance to ask your questions and there are good answers coming out for the same. You can also answer questions whcih are being asked.I learnt a solution for my ipod and tried a part of it and it worked.
It is very interesting to learn and know more and learn .
Thursday, June 5, 2008
me and me
It has been a drastic change in life. The pressures of the earlier job is nowhere to be seen. Today it is a relaxed atmosphere and waiting for things to happen. But the mind has had a greast rest, being peaceful. But humans, are humans. Once you start relaxing you may feel jobless and insecure. But atleast there are tasks identified and this will keep anybody occupied for atleast a month or two before plunging in to do what you assigned.
Why should we be insecure. Is it because we need to prove to others what we are. Success, is it what everyone is running for. Perhaps this change to relaxation is good now , as when we get older, we will need to anyway try to keep oueselves occupied. So perhaps this is a training phase.
Strength for anyone should ideally come from within. This is what stands out and pushes you to live with interests. Let me hope to get myself busy during the days to come.
Why should we be insecure. Is it because we need to prove to others what we are. Success, is it what everyone is running for. Perhaps this change to relaxation is good now , as when we get older, we will need to anyway try to keep oueselves occupied. So perhaps this is a training phase.
Strength for anyone should ideally come from within. This is what stands out and pushes you to live with interests. Let me hope to get myself busy during the days to come.
Monday, May 26, 2008
My Child
It is a wonderful experience having a child. You need to compromise - if you so call it. But there vis nothing as MINE any more. And no secrets or privacy. The demand is what your child wants. Right from when to get up to going back to sleep in the night.
The men normally escape as they have an excuse -- office. But the mothers are the most compromising. Sleep is lost, bno time for them selves , and all the time the child is with you.
Beyond all these pinpricks , if you so call it, a child is a ewonderful experience. How much we learn. Patience, expressing what you need to , to make them understand, repetitive questions, eating, indulging, music, driving, and anything you name.
And everyday is not the same. Something or the other is new. there is a new word , there is a new action, there is a new thing to look forward to. And you learn while the child learns.
YES, IT IS INDEED A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.
The men normally escape as they have an excuse -- office. But the mothers are the most compromising. Sleep is lost, bno time for them selves , and all the time the child is with you.
Beyond all these pinpricks , if you so call it, a child is a ewonderful experience. How much we learn. Patience, expressing what you need to , to make them understand, repetitive questions, eating, indulging, music, driving, and anything you name.
And everyday is not the same. Something or the other is new. there is a new word , there is a new action, there is a new thing to look forward to. And you learn while the child learns.
YES, IT IS INDEED A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)